Do You Feel Like A Man?
by Queen Gina
Summary: Santana hasn't seen him in years. The bruises are healed, the cuts scarred. Why did he have to come back?
1. Chapter 1

Santana Lopez froze on the sidewalk. It couldn't be. It had been so long.

But it had to be. She could never forget that face. His face. The face that had haunted her unconscious mind.

He turned a corner and she forced herself to breathe. And move. She couldn't stand in a crowded Chicago street forever. She mentally shook herself and went back to her trademark better-than-you walk.

It probably wasn't him anyway. Sebastian Smythe didn't live here. She must have been dreaming.

xxx

A long day at the office was just the thing to make her forget about him. Being a lawyer wasn't easy, but it was just was Santana was good at: convincing people she was right. She was good at her job. She loved her job.

And she loved going home. Brittany was at home.

Well, most of the time. Sometimes she was rehearsing. But when Santana turned the key to their small apartment she smiled, knowing that her girlfriend was waiting on the other side.

"Santana!" she yelled as Santana was enveloped in a bone crushing hug.

"Let up a bit, Britt, I need those bones if you want me to hug you back." The two girls adjusted accordingly and exchanged a kiss.

"I made you dinner," Brittany said, her eyes lighting up. Santana couldn't get over how lucky she was to have Brittany. Beautiful, sexy, and sweet all wrapped up in one package.

"You didn't have to, Britt," she said as the blond led her to their already set dinner table.

"I wanted to. Now sit here while I go and get it." Brittany pranced out of the dining/living room and into the adjoined kitchen. "Here you are." She placed the steaming dish in the middle of the table and sat down opposite Santana, her eyes twinkling.

"So what did you make me?" Santana asked as she began to dish out the browish burnt-smelling liquid into their bowls. As much as she loved Brittany, she couldn't say the same for her cooking skills.

"It's a recipe I found on the internet, do you like it?" Santana held back a grimace as she tasted the soup.

"It's delicious," she lied. As with most things, there was no need to burst Brittany's bubble. She lived in her own world. There was no reason that she should be taken out of it.

"Guess who I saw at work today!" Brittany said once she had drained her bowl.

"Who did you see?" Santana took her hand, fully expecting her girlfriend to have seen Azlan dancing on stage.

"Sebastian!" Santana's heart stopped. She had almost forgotten about the incident this morning. "You know, from Dalton?" Brittany reminded, taking Santana's silence for forgetfulness.

"Ya-yes. I remember him," she responded from far away. Her brain had gone into overdrive. "What was he doing there?" She prayed it wasn't something time consuming.

"He's going to be in our next musical, are you okay, San? You look pale," Brittany rubbed concerned circles on her girlfriend's hand. But she was too far gone to notice. Musical. With Brittany. She couldn't imagine what Sebastian would do to someone as fragile as Britt. What he would do if he found out she was living with Brittany.

She couldn't do this. She had to leave. Get out. Go back to Ohio if it was necessary. Anything. Being on the same continent was bad enough, but the same city? She couldn't do it. No.

_But what if- _No. She wouldn't let herself finish that thought. She had been trapped by it for long enough before she got away.

"Santana? Are you okay San? Please answer me." Santana looked up into those pleading blue eyes. She couldn't leave Britt. Any she couldn't take her away, not since she was settling in so well.

"Yah, Britt, I'm fine. Just a bit surprised. I thought he was busy being a famous prick, I didn't think we'd be seeing him any time soon." Brittany looked slightly appeased by the lie.

"He came here because the studio wanted more publicity. A celebrity in our midst brings more crowds." Santana nodded. It made sense.

"You know what, Britt, I am feeling a little ill, I think I'll turn in early tonight."

"You've barely touched your soup!" The blond picked up the bowl full of brown liquid and held it out to Santana. "You need to eat, or else you won't be healthy!"

"No, thanks, I don't think it would sit well in my stomach." Brittany's eyes snapped from excited to worried in an instant.

"Well then you go lie down and I'll clean this up," she ordered.

"Anything you want, sweetie," Santana bent down and kissed her lightly, savoring the taste. "I'll see you in a bit." She made her way to the bedroom, stripped to her underwear and nuzzled herself under the comforter.

Slowly, she lifted her arm towards her face. There it was, clear as day. The scar.

_Bodies pressed together and everything was teeth and tongues and why oh why had she given up on boys everything was oh so good- but why did her arm hurt so much? Were those his nails digging into her skin? _

It hadn't been his nails. Not really. He had put on fake nails, just to see her bleed. That was the first scar. The only one she ever let anyone other than Britt see. But even Britt didn't know the real cause. She thought they were marks from cupid, continually stabbing Santana, keeping her hopelessly in love with her blond dancer.

She traced the mark. It had been years since it had been fresh. Years since he had gone gallivanting off to Hollywood to become a big star and leave her with the wounds.

She had been doing so well. She rarely thought of him anymore, and when she did, it was always in a negative manner. She squeezed her eyes shut.

She hated him, she did. No one should be treated the way he had treated her. She hated him. Right?

She felt Brittany slide in beside her. She clung to the arms wrapped around her, Brittany, her rock, her everything. She hated Sebastian. Yes, she did.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N trigger warning**

The day following her minor breakdown, Santana woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. She wasn't going to let old scars get her down. No, she was stronger than that. She was Santana. Queen Bitch.

She went about her morning routine as normal, taking care to put on her favorite suit and shoes that she bought specifically to intimidate the shit out of the lowly interns that worked at her office. Staring in the mirror, she gave herself her daily pep talk.

"You are Santana Lopez. You're fierce. Every puny human should feel lucky that you grace them with your presence. No one can push you around because you're better than them." She gave herself a quick once over, assessing her appearance. She had dressed herself in black, head to toe. Black was her power color, and damn she needed it after a day like yesterday. She grabbed her briefcase from it's perch and headed out the door.

"Knock 'em dead, Snix," a groggy Brittany called from the bedroom. Santana smiled.

"See ya later, Britt." Their traditional morning farewell. It had taken Brittany a while to get used to the idea of spending most of the day without the woman she had grown up with, but eventually she had grown accustomed to the idea.

xxx

After eating breakfast in the coffee shop next to their apartment (there was no way she allowed Brittany to cook her the most important meal of the day), Santana walked to work. It was only a few blocks away and her days of being a Cheerio had conditioned her for much worse than a few blocks in heels.

Besides, she had to keep her figure up somehow, it's not as though she had huge amounts of time to exercise now that she was spending all her free time with her girlfriend. She smiled at the thought, thoughts of Brittany always made her smile.

She arrived at her office right on time, getting in the elevator just as the doors were closing. Sure, she believed in exercising but there was no way anyone would want to walk up twenty floors everyday. No, she drew her line at stairs.

Stepping off the elevator at her floor, she immediately ran into her oldest friend at the firm: Morgan.

"Santana! Good Lord, the day is saved! I was worried that you weren't going to come in after how out of it you were yesterday!"

"Good morning to you too, Morgan," she replied as she made her way to her office, Morgan trailing after her, closing the door behind her.

"So did you and Britt have sexytimes last night?" Morgan asked, making herself more than comfortable. One of the downsides of being friends with Morgan, she was overly noisy. She didn't gossip, but horded information.

"No, just like you said, I was a bit out of it yesterday." Santana began to arrange the files on her desk.

"Oh come on, you've gotta give me more than that, you know I live on your sexcapades!" Morgan started pulling on her cherry hair in mild frustration.

"You just need to get some, Morgan, and soon, or you're going to drive me mad. Britt's and I's personal relationship is none of your business." Morgan pouted.

"Well, fine. If you won't tell me today, maybe you'll be in a more divulgent mood tomorrow." She stood up, flipping her hair, "I'll see you at lunch." Santana watched her walk out and shook her head, she often wondered why she was still friends with Morgan.

xxx

Every single day Santana and Morgan would meet up for lunch. When Brittany's lunch coincided with theirs, they walked the block to a bistro in between the office and the theatre and had lunch with her. Today was the latter.

"Maybe I should ask Britt about your sexytimes. I'm sure she wouldn't hold out on me," Morgan was saying as they were seated in their usual table in the back of the small restaurant.

"Oh please, if you asked Britt she would probably inadvertently ask you if you wanted a threesome."

"Nothing I would be opposed- holy balls that man is fine." Morgan stared at a tall figure that had just entered the bistro. Santana's breath caught in her chest. That he was. He had to be, as a celebrity and everything. She had almost forgotten how perfect his features were. "Is that Brittany with him?" Morgan asked in shock. The two approached their table.

"Hello, ladies," Sebastian interjected, "I hope you don't mind me joining you for lunch. I'm new in town and Brittany was so kind as to save me the toil of finding a place for lunch by myself."

"We only asked for a table for three," Santana spat, suddenly remembering her vow of hatred. The celebrity locked eyes with her for the first time in years.

"I'm sure I could scrounge up another chair, or if you'd prefer you could sit on my lap," Sebastian retorted smoothly, the other two missed the reference. Of course they would. Neither of them knew of the exploits of the two brunettes.

"Actually I'd prefer you were kneeling," she responded scathingly.

"Come on, Snix," Brittany said as she sat down next to her girlfriend, "Don't be so harsh on him, he's not our rival anymore. He's our friend! Right, Sebastian?"

"Best friends." Sebastian smirked as Brittany clapped in the excitement of gaining a new friend.

"Here's a chair for you, sir," a waiter said, placing a chair between Santana and Morgan's. Santana silently cursed the overly perceptive waiter. Even if he was the nicest waiter she had ever had. "Are you ready to order?"

As the group placed their lunch orders, Santana's eyes wandered onto Sebastian's body. What, she was allowed to look, wasn't she? The boy was fine, as Morgan had so eloquently put it. Especially in the ensemble he had put together today. Jeans so tight it was clear he had no intention of ever procreating... a gray shirt that hugged his arms in all the right place... a wonderfully fitted peacoat to protect him from the chilly December weather that he was certainly taking his time taking off...

"Like what you see?" Santana's eyes snapped up. The asshole was giving her that god forsaken smirk that he was so damn good at.

"I was just wondering why your stylists let your famous ass step out into the real world looking like such a prick," Santana retorted. Sebastian ignored her.

"So, when do I get to be introduced to this lovely woman." He turned to Morgan, who began to smile and giggle like a hyena.

"That's Morgan," Brittany offered cheerily, "She works at the law firm with Snix." The blond reached out and rubbed her girlfriend's arm. Sebastian looked rather impressed. A feature that rarely graced his face.

"You're a laywer? I would have pegged you more for an exotic dancer type, you have such a talent for that." Morgan gasped, she had never heard anyone talk to Santana like that.

"My skills aren't put to waste, I give Britt all the private shows she wants," Santana chided, not ruffled by the old insult.

"You should really dance for more people, Snix, I hate to think that I'm the only one who gets to see you're amazingness," Brittany said as the waiter served them their various soups and sandwiches. Eagerly, they all dug in to their food.

The rest of the meal passed in relative civility. By the end Santana had almost convinced herself that the celebrity, in all his Hollywood gallivantings, had forgotten about their high school tryst.

That is, until she found the note slipped in her purse.

She had made it back to the office and was feeling confidant that she had finally pushed her scars into the past. She just needed to find some chap stick, her lips felt like buckets of salt had been thrown on them, when she had discovered it.

your building's parking garage. 10pm.

No signature, no context. Just a place and time. Just like high school.

xxx

_Santana had just finished dueling with the little bitch who had injured Blaine. She had won, fair and square. Easily, that warbler had nothing on her pipes. She was relishing in her victory and preparing to listen to Sebastian's confession when she felt the piece of paper, slipped into her bra. The sneaky bastard had slipped her a note! _

Mickinley's back parking lot. 10pm.

_Of course she had been curious. What could Sebastian want with her in a parking lot? They had met in a parking garage when he had slushied Blaine. Maybe he wanted to do something similar to her? But she could take care of herself way better than that hobbit. She decided to go. _

_xxx_

_"I see you got my message," came that silky voice from behind her. She turned on the spot. There he was, next to a terribly expensive looking car and still wearing his Dalton blazer. Seriously, did the Dalton boys sleep in those things? _

_"Either that or I've just happen to have some very important business in my school's parking back parking lot at 10 o'clock pm. _

_"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist coming," he said as he began to close the distance between them. _

_"I can resist all I want. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to make some sick profession of love after I killed you at the duel today." She was starting to become rather uncomfortable with his proximity, a new feeling for her- she had been to cheer camp after all, she had no semblance of personal space. _

_"I wouldn't say love," his hands trailed down her thigh, "we both know we're both hopelessly homosexual," his other hand pulled her hair away from her ear, "rather, a feeling of... lust." He ground out the last word in the way that made Santana's knees shake. _

_"I don't know if you're aware but I have a girlfriend-"_

_"Doesn't matter to me."_

_"-and I have no intention of cheating on her just because you have a craving for some lady flesh." She pushed him away from her roughly. _

_"Why not? I hear from the grapevine you've cheated on every boy you've ever been attached to. Why not give it a go? Is it because I'm gay? Because that would be fairly hypocritical of you." _

_"You know what, if you want to be a man whore, be my guest, but I'm not going to help you indulge in your weird fantasies." She started to walk away, "I hope I never see you again." Before she had gone two steps, she felt toned arms pulling her around and lips pressing into her neck. She groaned at the rough contact. She could never get Britt to be rough with her. _

_"It's not cheating if it's just physical," his voice rasped in her ear. _

_And with those words, he convinced her. She liked to think that it was her teenage hormones taking the reigns, but in all honesty, she wanted it. She wanted it bad. _

xxx

Santana's eyes flickered open when her flashback ended. She had somehow gotten to her office floor. Thankfully, no one had come in and seen her breakdown. She took a steadying breath. She still regretted that night. And it still haunted her, but not nearly as much as what had happened after that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I'm just going to put a blanket trigger warning here, I'd gander that every chapter after this will probably have a trigger (I assume, I don't know much about triggers but better safe than sorry, right? end ramble here.)**

**P.S. Thankssomuch for the reviews and favorites and alerts, they fill me with bubbles of joy!**

There wasn't even a doubt in Santana's heart that she would go to the parking garage of her firm's building (her apartment building didn't have a parking garage). It was habit, ingrained in her mind. Receive letter, go meet Sebastian in indicated private location.

That's not to say that she didn't feel bad about it as she lied to Brittany and said she had to go into the firm for some emergency business. She felt horrible, just as she had in high school. She couldn't help it, she wanted to know what Sebastian wanted after all these years.

Surely it wasn't to resume their former relationship? She had heard that he had some famous boyfriend in Hollywood. It would look bad if it got out that he was cheating.

Not that he had ever cared about cheating.

In any event, she found herself waiting in the dark and rundown parking garage that lie underneath her work. She looked at her phone. 9:59. Just like clockwork, a shiny, expensive car rolled into sight, parking a foot away from her. Out stepped the familiar figure of Sebastian Smythe.

"I see you got my message."

"Of course I did, not cut the pleasantries and tell me what you want," Santana snapped, crossing her arms. Sebastian wasn't perturbed by her bluntness. He wasn't perturbed by anything.

"I was of the impression that now that we're in the same area again that everything would proceed as it once did." He pulled open the backdoor of his shiny car, gesturing for her to get in.

"No, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done lying to Britt. I'm done bending to your every will. If you want a sex slave you're going to have to find someone else." Santana was infuriated that he would even suggest something like that. She turned to leave.

"Maybe I should," Sebastian called, "In fact, I think I know the perfect person," Santana ignored him, "Brittany's a great dancer, isn't she?" Santana froze midstep. She whipped around.

"What do you mean, Britt's a great dancer?" she asked angrily.

"You've seen her dance. In fact, I should be asking you, is she any good in bed? She's a bit of a ditz, but I bet she's up for anything."

"Don't you dare touch Brittany," Santana spat out, advancing.

"Give me a reason not to." Sebastian jerked his head toward the still open car door. Santana's mouth moved soundlessly in rage. "Decide quickly, I don't have all night."

"No scars," Santana demanded.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't give me any scars, like you did last time." Sebastian considered it.

"I can't make any promises." He raised his eyebrows at her, pointedly looking at his watch.

She couldn't let this slime ball get to Britt. There was no way she would be able to handle it. Britt was special, she wouldn't understand what was happening.

Defeated, Santana marched into the back seat of the car, sitting and crossing her arms. Sebastian followed her, closing the door behind him. Santana was familiar with this. They were usually in cars. Every once in a great while Sebastian would ask her to meet at a hotel, but it was normally the backseat of his car.

"Don't be such a grouch and take off your panties," Sebastian grumbled as he undid his tie. Santana obliged, placing them delicately in her purse. As soon as she had done so, Sebastian was on her. She gasped slightly at the sudden contact, soon finding herself not wearing her favorite black suit.

Then the biting started. It always started with biting. Gentile at first, starting on her collarbone, but quickly progressing downwards. It wasn't until he reached her stomach that he started to draw blood. First with his teeth, her stomach muscles clenched as he penetrated her skin.

Then the nails. His hands were gripping tightly onto her hips, and those horrible, no wait, wonderful fake nails of his cut into her. Santana threw her head back in ecstasy as pinned her beneath him, thrusting rhythmically and assaulting her neck.

His nails dug deeper into her hips as he growled out a curse. When he started cursing was when he started to get really violent. It was when Santana had learned to go to her happy place. To "lie back and think of England" until it was over. It was easier that way. Then all she had to do was count the bruises later, she didn't have to remember every one. When Sebastian cursed was when she stopped enjoying it.

Soon it was over and she was able to regain her composure.

"Why do you even want this anyway, don't you have some sexy studdmuffin of a boyfriend?" Santana asked as she wiggled back into her underwear.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that our relationship involved feelings. Now get out of my car. I have places to be." He opened the door and quickly switched to the front seat as Santana took her time sliding out. The moment she slammed the door shut he sped away, leaving her alone in the dim light of the parking garage.

Once she was sure he had gone, she broke. Crumpling into a ball, she leaned against a pillar and sobbed into her knees.

She hated this. Every time she saw Sebastian this happened. The feeling of being used. The feeling of hating herself for cheating. Hating herself for lying. Hating herself for giving in. Hating herself for enjoying it.

She'd have a new scar tomorrow. She'd have to explain it to Brittany. She'd lie.

Morgan would ask about her sexual exploits. She'd lie.

She might see Sebastian tomorrow at lunch. She'd lie.

She hated lying. One of her best traits was always telling the truth. Most of the time people considered her a bitch. But that was ok, because at least she wasn't lying. To her, lying was the worst thing a person could do.

And now, because of Sebastian, she would have to lie to everyone. She remembered having to lie back in high school. It was the worst time in her life. Worse than coming out. Worse than law school.

She cried.

Granted, she did tend to cry when things went south. But not this kind. The silent, tears streaming down by the bucket-full, headache inducing, private cry. It wasn't something she enjoyed, it wasn't something that felt a fundamental need to do. It just happened. Time and time again, she cried.

xxx

She had held it in until she was back in the safety of her room. But once she flopped on her bed, she couldn't stop the downpour. Salty tears dripped into her mouth as she curled up under her comforter, not making a sound.

It was the first time she had felt the need to cry. The first time he had felt the need to watch her bleed. She rubbed the five little marks on her arm where his nails had been. Still fresh. Healed enough to stop bleeding, but open. Bare. Exposed.

At the time it had been fine. Just him getting more and more into it. Just part of the game.

But when it was over and she could still feel the sting of his nails, she couldn't suppress her feelings of guilt. How could she have gotten herself into this? Why did she agree to it? Especially with a guy as sleazy as Sebastian? Why couldn't she just have stayed home that night? Why did she follow the note? Why did she always screw up?

She curled up more into her comforter.

It wasn't right, what she was doing. She knew that. Every time she found a note from him she knew she shouldn't go. But she did anyway.

She cried because she went. She cried because she lied. She cried because she hated herself. She cried because she had no one to talk to.

But who could she tell? As far as she knew she and Sebastian were the only ones who knew about their exploits. No one would feel sorry for her. No one would understand why she went, hell she couldn't even understand it herself.

She was alone and she hated feeling alone, almost more than she hated hating herself. Before Sebastian had come into the picture, Brittany had made her feel safe and loved, she had filled her with a sense of togetherness. Then Santana had started lying. Those feelings went away and she was alone again. It was a terrible feeling.

xxx

Santana sucked in a ragged breath. That was so long ago. She was better than that now. She got up and dusted herself off. Crying wasn't going to solve anything. She mentally shook herself. She needed supplies.

Years ago when she had started this thing with Sebastian she had quickly realized that she needed to be able to hide the marks from the public unless she wanted plenty of awkward conversations.

So she went to her favorite cosmetics store. There was a specific cream that she had found that matched her skin perfectly. After purchasing that and ignoring the cashier's offer to get her to a better situation she went to the pharmacy. Band-aids, salves, birth control. Check, check, check.

Scarves. Easier and more fashionable than cover-up.

Then the final, and most important, item. Chocolate cake. The perfect remedy for any situation. With these items in hand she felt accomplished enough to face Brittany.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the apartment door.

"San! You're back! That didn't take nearly as long as I expected!" Brittany enveloped her in one of her trademark hugs.

"Ya, it wasn't that big of a problem. Look, Britt, I got us some chocolate cake!" Brittany's eyes lit up.

"Yuuuummm," she said taking the cake and bringing it directly to the table.

"Hey Britt?"

"Ya, San?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. Now help me cut this."


	4. Chapter 4

****A/N I apologize profusely for the delay, college got in the way, I'll try to keep it from happening again!****

The next day, Santana constructed her lies. They were well constructed, she never did anything half-assed.

The day after she was in her routine. She was prepared for whatever happened. It was like slipping back into her high school self.

The third day she was relaxed. No incident had happened, no one suspected her. Everything was fine.

The days slipped by.

By the seventh day she began to get nervous. It had been a week since the incident in the car and she hadn't heard from Sebastian. In high school there had rarely been an entire week without a visit. She pushed it out of her mind. They were older now, they didn't have the same needs as they did in high school. It was nothing to worry about.

When it had been twelve days she began to panic. She didn't even know why she was panicking. There was no reason to. But panic she did nonetheless. Outwardly. Which Morgan clearly noticed and couldn't help but ask why.

"Hey Snix, why the long face?" she asked as the pair ate lunch alone. Santana glared at her. She was not in a pleasant mood. "Is Britt mad at you or something? Not getting any sexytimes?" Santana continued to glare, not dignifying her friend with a response. "Well fine, if you don't want to talk about it."

An uncomfortable silence pervaded the rest of their lunch.

"Come on, let's go back to work," Santana said, much sooner than she normally would. Morgan scrunched her nose, she hated work.

* * *

><p>After two weeks she finally saw Sebastian again. He came to lunch with Brittany, stating that he 'hadn't had a decent meal since the last time.'<p>

Santana was irrationally annoyed. How dare he come to lunch looking so nice? And after two weeks of silence, no less!

"So, Sebastian, do you have anyone special in your life?" Morgan asked suggestively, Santana rolled her eyes, but listened intently nonetheless.

"Actually, I have a boyfriend back in L.A.," Sebastian responded, smiling. Morgan's face fell slightly.

"Really?" Brittany quipped, clearly excited about this new development, "What's his name? What's he like? Is he cute? Do you-"

"Whoa there, Britt, don't pester him," Santana interjected.

"I'm not pestered, no need to worry, Santana. But I'm sorry, Brittany, I can't answer any of your questions. He wishes to remain anonymous to avoid the spotlight." The actor smoothed his tie uncomfortably. "So, do you have anyone special in your life, Morgan?"

"Well, not at the moment," Morgan said seductively, she was never one to care about the ties of her sex partners. Sebastian smiled kindly at her before turning the subject towards safer grounds: the musical.

As Brittany and Sebastian gushed about their work, Santana observed her sex buddy. He seemed frayed, less cocky than usual, he wasn't discussing his personal life. If memory served, Sebastian was one to speak out about his conquests, excluding her of course, she was a tryst to be ashamed of. Not flaunting his more-than-likely gorgeous boyfriend was strange.

While Santana hated the man, she almost felt bad that he was succumbing to the pressures of fame. Maybe that's why he hadn't been coming to lunch and having meetings with her. Something had happened.

"What do you think, San?" Brittany asked, picking up her girlfriend's hand.

"Sorry, what?"

"Don't you think that Seb makes a great Demon Barber?" Santana looked over at the man she hated.

"I couldn't tell you, Britt, I haven't seen him perform yet," Santana answered.

"You'll have the opportunity soon when we put on the show," Sebastian responded staring straight into her eyes.

"I wouldn't miss Britt performing for the world." Santana stared right back, determined to figure out what was bothering him, but his eyes remained hard.

"You know, I seem to remember you saying something like that back in high school, how did that turn out again."

"You know, I think I'm going to leave," Santana said as she grabbed her purse and stormed off. Before she got to the door she heard Brittany respond.

"Don't be so hard on Santana, it wasn't her fault her favorite uncle was in town."

"Is that what she told you?"

Santana internally cursed the former warbler. He had to bring that up, didn't he, he just had to give hints. He always did this. He would never come out and say it, but he would drop suggestive hints. It came to the point where all of her friends thought the two of them had some running joke about sneaking off together.

She slammed the door to her flat shut, she wasn't going back to work now, there was no point. She was much too distracted to handle work. She would call in and explain.

Then she would take a bath. Yes, a bath would solve this.

* * *

><p>Santana waited yet again in a deserted parking garage. After she had gotten out of her bath squeaky clean she had found the note in her purse. 'Come to this address, blah blah blah,' the usual.<p>

So here she was.

Waiting.

She took out her phone. 10:01pm shone back at her.

He was late. He was never late. Not even a minute.

She looked around, maybe she was in the wrong parking garage. She checked the note. Nope, right place, right time. No Sebastian. She sat down. At least today she had thought to change into something more suitable for car sex. Still suitably sexy, but easier to take off and putt on.

She looked at her phone. 10:05pm. She closed her eyes.

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, Britt." <em>

_"Santana! Where are you? We're about to go on! You said you be here to see me dance!" _

_"I'm sorry, Britt, my mom just told me that my Uncle is in town, I won't be able to make it tonight, he almost never comes home and he's leaving tomorrow." _

_"Are you sure? You can bring him here if you want, I'm sure he'd enjoy it!"_

_"I don't think so, Britt, he doesn't like dance very much." _

_"Doesn't like dance! I don't think you should hang out with him, Snix, he doesn't sound like a good person. I heard that people who don't like dance end up as ax murderers!" _

_"Britt, who told you that? Nevermind, don't worry about me, I'll be fine, I promise."_

_"Pinkie promise?" _

_"Ya, Britt, I pinkie promise." _

_"Ok, then I hope you have fun with your Uncle! I'll give you a rundown on how amazing I was tomorrow!" _

_"Thanks Britt, you'll be amazing, I know it."_

_"Bye San," _

_"Bye Britt, love you." Santana flipped her phone shut and looked over at the driver's seat. _

_"That was much longer than I would have liked," Sebastian reprimanded. _

_"Get over it, if you want to do this without plans you're going to have to make sacrifices." _

_"I have places to be you know." _

_"And clearly so do I, but we're both here, what a predicament." _

_"Shut up and take your panties off.'"_

_"What the hell do you have against panties anyway, they're not going to attack you."_

_"If you're going to be doing anything with your mouth it's either going to be kissing me, worshiping my body, or sucking my cock." Santana rolled here eyes as he moved on top of her, reclining her seat as he did. _

_What followed was the same as usual, but oh so good. Santana gasped as he gripped her hips, leaving angry red bruises. _

_His ferocious attacking of her neck alone was enough to send her into a frenzy. She bit her lip, drawing blood as his fingernails dug into her side. _

_She felt blood slide down her neck as his teeth sunk in. A tingling ran through her body as their rhythm got rougher and faster. _

_And then it was over. Of course, she had blocked out a portion of their encounter, but that was only normal. He was sliding off her her, back into the driver's seat. _

_"Put the seat back up once you've got your panties on." She scoffed as she exited the car. He was gone in a whirl of taillights, leaving her in an empty parking lot. She walked quickly to her car where she pulled out her emergency medical supplies. _

_Bruises on her hips and waist; bruises and bite marks on her neck; a cut in her lip; blood on her hands, not hers she must have gripped him too hard; long scratches on her back; bleeding bite marks on her right breast; a bruise on her knee from the car door. _

_Not too bad, she had had worse. It must have been the abruptness of their encounter, he hadn't had time to fantasize what he wanted to do to her. _

_Because that was what he did. He had told her. Before they met up he always had intense dreams about hurting her. Well, not her specifically. Bringing pain to others was the term he had used. A good term. One designed to make Santana remember that she was nothing to him but a body. _

_Not even a good one either, since she was female. He brought that up a lot. _

_'It would be better if you were a guy'_

_'Guys do it better than you'_

_'Girl parts are less fun than guy parts'_

_Santana tried to brush it off, maintaining her stance that girl parts were great. Especially Brittany's. Brittany's were fantastic. _

_Just thinking about them was causing her to pause in cleaning herself up. Brittany. _

_Who she had lied to. _

_Said she was with her Uncle. _

_Lies. _

_Santana hated lying. For her it was the worst thing to do to someone. It meant that you didn't trust them, you felt the need to keep things from them. She had always preferred brutal honesty. It might hurt a person's feelings but in the end the truth was always better. Always. _

_Except in this case. Brittany would be scarred for life if she knew about this. She would never trust anyone again. Santana couldn't do that to her. She just couldn't. She loved Brittany, more than anything. Brittany was her everything. _

_And she was lying to her. _

_She felt dirty, like a layer of gunk had been eternally spread over her. She could never wash it off, she had done it and there was no going back. She could barely live with herself. Brittany was the only thing keeping her going, and Brittany was the one she was lying to. _

_It was horrible. This feeling was killing her. She needed a way out. Now._

* * *

><p>Santana opened her eyes as the memory faded. She still hated that night. Brittany had done a fantastic job at her dance performance. Or so she heard. She didn't attend. She was too busy having car sex with someone she hated and cleaning up after.<p>

She rubbed her arms, almost expecting to feel a layer of dirt. She was a horrible girlfriend. A horrible sex buddy. A horrible person.

She looked at her phone.

10:47pm.

He wasn't coming. She stood up, dusting herself off as she did.

There was no reason to feel sorry for herself. She was a confidant, competent, lawyer with an amazing girlfriend. What had happened in high school was past. There was no use pitying herself.

What had happened two weeks ago was a fluke of nature. Just her reverting back to her old ways. It meant nothing. She wasn't going to let it keep her down.

Sebastian didn't want to show up? Well she didn't want to either. She was done with this little game they were playing. She had been a wreck for the past week and that wasn't acceptable.

What's past was past and it was about time she moved forward.

** A/N sorry again for the delay. I'll do better next time. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hey, another longer than I'd like delay. I apologize. Registration and Housing Selection is this week. I'm trying to be better, really!**

With her new bold decision to stop seeing Sebastian Santana found that she had far more time to be with her beloved, Brittany. The more she focused, the more she realized how much she loved her girlfriend.

"Wow," was all she could say when Brittany walked out of the bathroom, ready for their Friday night extravaganza. Every week, all she had to say was wow. Brittany never failed to impress.

"You don't look so bad yourself," Brittany commented, fingering the shiny material of Santana's shirt.

"I do it just for you," she replied, smiling widely. In fact, she did put a special effort into her wardrobe every Friday in the hopes of impressing Britt. It always payed off.

"Come on, we don't want to miss the fairies!" Santana rolled here eyes, still smiling. Fairies were what Brittany had dubbed the her favorite band that frequented a local club. Their actual name was unknown to the pair, but they would never pass up a group of former strippers singing covers of anything from "My Humps" to "Backstreet's Back."

"Let's go." Santana linked her arm around Brittany's and left their apartment.

xxx

From the moment she was old enough, well from the moment her fake ID said she was old enough, Santana Lopez had been the focal point of every club she walked into. She was hot and she knew it, not to mention the girl on her arm shone like the sun.

"Your regular tonight, sweethearts?" shouted a voice from the bar.

"I think Britt wants to dance first, Bernard!" Santana shouted back at their favorite bartender. True enough, the next moment Brittany was dragging her out into the throng as the Fairies started to bastardize "Me Against the Music."

They had danced happily half-way through the first chorus before she noticed him.

He would be here. Sipping his fruity drink. Flirting with every man within ten feet of him. Looking like he just walked out of cologne add. Brittany followed her gaze and her eyes lit up.

"It's Sebastian! We should go say hello!" Santana's arm was tugged through the sea of people toward the bar.

"Come on, Britt, we just started dancing, I'm sure he'll be there after this song ends!" Brittany didn't hear her.

"Sebastian!"

"Girls!" the actor said as he shooed away a group of disappointed looking men.

"I'll have that drink now, Bernard," Santana said as she plopped down on the stool next to Brittany.

"I saw you coming," Bernard said as he handed Santana and Brittany their usual drinks.

"Thanks, Bernie!" Brittany beamed. "So Seb, what brings you here? I didn't think this was your scene."

"There's no VIP room," Santana quipped.

"I heard this was the place you two hung out, and seeing as you two are the coolest people I know here, I figured this was the hottest place to be."

"Snix does have great taste in parties," Brittany said, flashing her blinding smile at her girlfriend.

"She always did know how to show a guy a good time."

"She sure does," Brittany agreed, still staring at Santana.

"Dude, this is from the guy in the purple shirt," Bernard said, handing a beer to Sebastian.

"Don't call me 'dude,' and I don't like beer."

"I do," Santana said, taking the beer from the table. "Thanks, Bernie."

"Anything for you, sweetheart."

"Snix, I think Bernie has a crush on you!" Brittany exclaimed once Bernie moved away.

"Of course he does, Britt. Who doesn't?"

"I can't think of anyone," Sebastian cut in, waggling his eyebrow.

"Seb! Do you have a crush on Santana?" Brittany exclaimed, shoving her costar playfully.

"C'mon Britt, let's get back to dancing."

"I think I'll join you, I like this song," Sebastian said as he got up to follow Brittany and Santana. Santana grumbled, unheard as the movie star began to grind with a built blonde.

"Santana, listen!" Brittany shouted as the opening bars of Buttons blasted from the Fairies' speakers. Santana turned to face her girlfriend with a mischievous smile. Brittany pulled her closer and began gyrating her hips to the beat. Santana smirked and returned the movement, wrapping her arms around the blonde.

She closed her eyes and enveloped herself in the feeling of her girlfriend. Brittany's hands traveled down her back to rest on her ass, pressing the two girls closer, trying to fulfill the desperate need to more.

Santana opened her eyes for a moment to see none other than Sebastian Smythe starring darkly at her from around the back of the blonde her was grinding against. They locked eyes. For a moment Santana thought she saw what might be a glimmer of jealousy in his eyes. But no, it couldn't be. He only used her, he didn't want her, right? Even if her and Britt's grinding was super hott, he didn't swing that way, he had made abundantly clear.

But then it was gone. Santana chalked it up to the beer and the lightening and closed her eyes again, reveling in the feel of Britt's body on hers.

She let out a sharp gasp as Britt began to kiss her neck. Suddenly she felt a strong need to leave and ravish Brittany in private. She was about to announce this to Britt when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Can I have this dance?" that asshole.

"No," Santana replied defensively, grabbing Britt's arm.

"I wasn't talking to you," he replied smoothly, looking at Brittany, who had started to blush.

"Of course," she took the offered hand. "I'll meet you at the bar, Snix!"

Santana scowled as her girlfriend pranced off to dance with her booty call and marched back to Bernard.

"Need something stronger than beer?" he asked, seeing her face.

"Oh Bernard, you know me so well."

"Here you go, one glass of this and say goodbye to your troubles. At least for tonight." He winked as he passed her a purple liquid.

"What is it?" she asked hesitantly.

"My own special - secret - recipe. Don't worry, one glass won't kill you. Two is debatable, but one is fine." He grinned expectantly. She took a sip and screwed up her face as the bitter liquid slid down her throat.

"What is in that!" she exclaimed, already starting to forget why she was angry.

"What about 'secret recipe' did you not understand?"

"Well I was just wondering what kind of poison you're killing me with, that's not too much to ask is it?"

"But it's not going to kill you. That's the point that I just made, if you recall." Santana took another sip of the liquid, already feeling disconnected.

"Does this stuff have a name?" she asked blearily.

"Not yet, I'm still working on that."

"You should name it something cool, like not lame. Cool." Santana giggled as she continued to sip the strange drink. It seemed to taste better with every sip.

"I'll try my best, got any suggestions?"

"How about 'The Brittany,'" she waved her hands for effect. "Brittany's the coolest person I know. That ANYBODY knows. Brittany's so cool." She smiled vaguely, remembering Brittany.

"I'm sure she is, she's gotta be to get this kind of attention from someone as cool as you."

"Where is Britt?" Santana asked abruptly, becoming acutely aware of the lack of Brittany beside her. "It's not a party if it's not a Brittany party."

"I think she's still dancing with that dick who doesn't like it when I call him 'dude.'" Bernard scrunched his face.

"Riiiiiiight," she looked around, spotting the dancing duo in the middle of the dance floor. "I'll see you later, Bernard, I've got something to take care of." She strode off towards them.

"Hey Britt!" she yelled when she was near them.

"San! Are you OK?" Brittany asked, concerned. Santana guessed she must look flushed. The Brittany really was going to her head. She ignored Brittany's comment.

"Hey, 'Bastion! King Homo! Brittz and I have gotz to go home now and get our sweet lady kisses on." She reached for Brittany's arm. "So, if your highness doesn't mind, I have to cut your dance short." He looked at her quizzically.

"I don't know how you managed to get so drunk in so short a time, but I think home would be the best for you right now."

"Come on, Santana, let's go home." Brittany supported her as they made their way slowly out of the club.

And that was when Santana's memory went blank.

xxx

"I love you," she said the next morning as they lay in bed. Brittany smiled broadly.

"I love you more," the blonde responded as she rolled over to face Santana.

"Not possible."

"Is so!"

"Nope, there is no way that you can love me more than I love you."

"I totally love you more. There is no question."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Prove it." Brittany smiled and pulled Santana in hard for a kiss. As their limbs became tangled and their bodies pressed together the two lovers soaked in the beautiful skin on skin contact that could only be achieved by perpetual nude sleeping.

Saturdays were Santana's favorite day, without question. The thought of spending hours with Brittany in the morning was what drove her through the week and even crawled into her mind when they were out on Friday nights. Even last night. Her head throbbed as she remembered last night. Santana was no stranger to hangovers, but whatever Bernard had given her must have had something strange in it because this headache felt worse than the rest.

"Uuuugggghhhh," she moaned as the rest of her body joined her head in full hangover state.

"How much did you drink last night when I was dancing with Seb?" Brittany asked as Santana got out of bed and wandered drunkenly over to the bathroom.

"A little bit of a lot of something." She moaned again as she felt Brittany's hands pull her hair out of the way of her vomit.

"Thanks Britt."

"Anything for you, San." Santana squeezed her eyes shut.

xxx

_She was fourteen. Her first hangover. Last night her, Brittany, and Quinn had drank half of Quinn's parents' liquor cabinet in their first endeavor into booze. _

_What a mistake. _

_She had heard of hangovers before and expected them to be bad, but not this bad! She could barely move, but she needed to barf. She groaned as she felt her way blindly toward Quinn's bathroom. She stayed here enough to know where it was, which was a blessing as she couldn't open her eyes without being assaulted with searing pain. As she let everything out of her stomach, she felt soft hands pull her hair into a quick ponytail. _

_"Thanks Britt," she said as the other cheerleader dropped down beside her and began to relieve her stomach as well. _

_"Shh, no talking," came a voice from the tub. Quinn had hidden there at some point during the night. _

_They passed the next hour or so in pained silence before Quinn had the sense to get aspirin. They moved to Quinn's bed as they let the medication sink in. _

_"Never again," Santana mumbled. _

_"Never," Quinn agreed. _

_"At least not without a bunny," Brittany added. Quinn and Santana opened their eyes long enough to roll their eyes at each other, in too much pain to question Brittany's logic. _

_"Whatever you say, Britt," Quinn responded. _

_The trio nuzzled together and didn't move until dark._

xxx

Santana breathed in deeply. She loved the smell of Brittany after a shower.

"We should call Quinn," she mumbled into Britt's hair.

"It's been a while."

"Mmm."

"We'll call her when you're over this hangover."

"Sounds good." She nuzzled into her girlfriend's shoulder.

"Go to sleep, Snix."

Santana fell asleep in Brittany's arms. It was so comfortable, being here. She almost forgot to hate Sebastian.

Almost.

**A/N If you're missing Sebastian then don't worry, he'll be back in force next chapter! As always, thanks for reading and the reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N sooooo sorry that it's been so long. Finals, eh? Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

That evening Santana called Quinn. It was time to get the Unholy Trinity back together. Quinn answered on the first ring.

_"This is Quinn Fabray."_

"This is Santana Lopez." She smiled. She missed Quinn.

_"Auntie Snix calling me after all these years! To what do I owe the pleasure?" _

"Britt and I missed you. It's been too long since the Unholy Trinity got up to some mischief."

"Ya, we need some brains over here!" Brittany interjected.

_"Brittany! I haven't heard from either of you in so long!"_

"So how about it, Q, gonna come visit us soon?"

_"I dunno, I'm fairly busy here. With a job and school, I don't know when I'll have time to come all the way to Chicago."_

"Come on, Quinn! We miss you! And if you come soon you'll be able to see me and Sebastian perform!" Brittany begged.

"Ya, plus, you need a break! You can't study all the time." Santana reasoned. There was a pause.

_"Sebastian's there?" _

"Yup! He's doing a musical at my theater!" Brittany quipped, her hair bouncing. Another pause.

_"Seems like I'm missing out on a great party."_

"You are!"

"It's true," Santana continued, "there's no party like a Brittany party."

_"Of course, you would think that, Santana."_

"So does everyone else."

_"Hmm, I think I can come in two weeks. Does that work for you guys?" _

"Perfectly."

_"Awesome, I'll see you then! But right now I have to go to class!" _

"Bye!" Santana and Brittany chorused. Santana put down the phone and curled up next to Brittany on the couch. It was going to be a long two weeks.

xxx

Quinn put down the phone and grabbed her car keys. She hadn't heard from Santana and Brittany in a while. She did miss them. But she worried. Sebastian was there.

Santana didn't know this, but Quinn had seen them one night in the school parking lot. She had stayed after to make up a test and when she left the building she saw their car.

Now Quinn didn't pretend to know the details of their relationship. She had kept it quiet because she knew it would crush Brittany to know Santana had been cheating on her. Plus, she was only partially sure it was them. It was dark after all...

But after paying more attention to Santana she figured it must be. She was much more defensive than normal during those years, and that was an accomplishment.

Quinn did have one tiny bit of information though. When she saw the car, there had been small bloodstains on the window. From what was going on in the car, she figured it must have been from rough sex.

Really rough sex.

Then there were the scars. Santana hid them from most people, but Quinn had seen her changing. She say the bite marks and the gashes. She had wanted to confront Santana about it, but never had.

She regretted that now, especially since Sebastian was back in Brittany and Santana's life. She knew Santana, and Santana would slip back into her old patterns in spite of the ramifications.

Quinn was worried. But she couldn't be worried now, she had class.

xxx

Airports were never an enjoyable place for either Santana or Brittany. But Quinn running into their arms at the pick-up gate made the waiting and the smell worth it.

Showing Quinn around their hometown provided Brittany a chance to regale Quinn with everything the two girls had done in the time they had lived there.

"And that's where Santana and I ate pizza, it was really fun because the waiter thought we were hot and gave us free pie... and that's where that police officer pulled us over for speeding, but we got out of that because Santana is hot-"

"Just because Santana was hot, Britt?" Quinn interjected.

"I think it had more to do with Britt's insistence that we were being chased by rabid goat."

"Well we were, if the officer hadn't pulled us over it probably would have continued to chase us." Brittany defended. The other two laughed.

"C'mon, Quinn, we can sightsee later. Right now, I think we should head to the apartment. Britt has something special planned for you!"

"Ohhhh, yesss," Brittany squealed. She had been preparing this surprise since Quinn agreed to come. The three set off in the direction of their apartment complex.

xxx

"Cake mix?" Quinn questioned as Britt help a brightly colored box up.

"Yes! Cake mix for cupcakes! Don't you remember how we always used to make cupcakes together?" Britt exclaimed. Quinn smiled. Yes, she remembered. Cupcake day with Britt and Snix. It always ended up in catastrophe and gossip. Brittany bounced away to begin cooking, Quinn followed.

Water, butter, eggs, and mix were dumped into the large bowl. They all shoved a spoon into the combination and attempted to mix it to an adequate degree. After an impressive thirty seconds without incident, Quinn got a faceful of batter.

"Brittany!" Quinn gasped. "Oh, it is on!" She took her spoon and flicked some half-mixed batter back at Brittany. Britt screamed and a full on food fight ensued.

The battle raged throughout the house. During a short truce, they all agreed to strip to their underwear in an attempt to save their clothes from the onslaught of batter.

Of course, they were soon out of batter. Which led to the throwing of other foods such as eggs and crackers.

Roughly an hour later the apartment was trashed and the girls were through. Brittany had been declared the winner for her warrior like toss of an oreo that landed squarely between Santana's eyes.

Quinn watched as Santana brushed a piece of frosting off of Brittany's nose. She hoped that Santana wasn't fucking that famous asshat, Brittany probably couldn't handle being in the real world without her girlfriend. But if Santana was involved with Sebastian... well, she didn't deserve Brittany.

Quinn was torn. Brittany needed Santana, but as much as Santana needed Brittany, there was no way they could stay together if Santana was cheating so enthusiastically.

She decided to confront Santana.

"Quinn! Look! I drew a llama on Santana!" Brittany pointed to a glob of frosting on Santana's bare stomach. Quinn smiled.

"What's it's name?"

"Frank," Santana answered.

"Yes, Frank," Brittany agreed, sticking her finger in Frank.

"Don't kill Frank!" Quinn shouted in mock horror as Brittany licked her finger.

"Frank was getting fat, I needed to take some of it away."

"I'm getting fat, wanna take that away?" Santana asked playfully. Brittany poked her girlfriend's stomach. "Thanks Britt."

"Can you take some of mine away too?" Quinn asked. Brittany pranced up to her and began poking her ruthlessly. Quinn giggled uncontrollably and attempted to fight the other blond off, but Britt was strong from dancing and quickly overpowered Quinn, pushing her to the kitchen floor. Santana soon joined the fray, tickling any skin she saw, leaving the two other girls cackling loudly on the ground.

Later, Quinn decided. She would confront Santana later.

xxx

It was Quinn's last day and she was beginning to worry that she wouldn't be able to confront Santana in person. That is, until Brittany invited Sebastian over for dinner.

"It'll be like a reunion!" she announced over breakfast. Of course, a reunion with Sebastian wasn't something Quinn had ever envisioned. While she had forgiven him of his heinous actions she still didn't trust the boy. He just had a feel about him that was off-putting.

Sebastian arrived precisely at five o'clock, looking as perfect as ever.

"Quinn," he said, walking up to her and enveloping her in a hug, which she returned politely. "It's been too long." He flashed her a winning smile, meant to melt hearts. Quinn plastered a smile on her face and greeted the actor.

"Seb! I'm so glad you could come!" Brittany squealed, pulling Sebastian into a bone crushing hug.

"Well I wasn't about to miss out on a free dinner. Though, I did bring a salad," he held up a saran wrapped glass bowl, "I thought it was only polite, seeing as you went to all the trouble of making dinner."

"Thanks," Santana said, hardly covering her sarcasm as she took the bowl and walked to the already set table.

The dinner passed without incident. Quinn even started to believe that there was nothing wrong and Sebastian really was the charismatic actor that everyone saw him as. That is, until the group was watching television together and Brittany got a call from one of her friends.

"Hello?" she said into the phone and listened for a moment. "OK, I'll be right there." She hung up the phone. "Hey guys?"

"What's up Britt?" Santana asked, putting her hand on her girlfriend's leg.

"Sofia is having a relationship crisis. I need to go and calm her down, I'll see you guys later!" She kissed Santana, waved to Quinn and Sebastian and left the apartment.

Brittany's absence left the formerly raucous room in an uncomfortable silence. Quinn decided it was now or never.

"So..." she began "please tell me you two haven't been fucking again." Two heads snapped her way.

"What!" Santana shouted, fear evident in her eyes. Sebastian looked at her calmly.

"What would give you the idea that Santana and I are romantically involved?" he questioned.

"Oh, please, no one said anything about romance. I saw you two fucking back in high school."

"And you didn't say anything?" Santana accused.

"No I didn't. But I'm saying something now. Tell me you're not fucking."

"What makes you think it's any of your business?" Sebastian bit back calmly. Quinn turned to look fully at him.

"Because I care about Brittany. And I care about Santana. And I want them to be happy. You two fucking is not conducive to a strong relationship between Santana and Brittany. Nor is it helpful for a relationship between you and your boyfriend."

"Well, Quinn, you'll be happy to know that Sebastian and I aren't fucking. We never have, what you saw must have been somebody else." Quinn took a moment to give her old friend a pitying look.

"Come on, Snix, I've know you most of my life. You can't lie to me. I know you two had a thing back in high school. I know you're likely to go back to that now." She took a breath. "Just stop, OK? I don't want you or Britt to get hurt."

"I'm sorry, I missed the part where Santana and I's sex life was any of your business. We're all consenting adults here. If we were to have a relationship there would be nothing immoral or wrong about it. Hell, we would even be all heterosexual, making us more socially acceptable. This is none of your business."

"If this is about being more socially acceptable-"

"Quinn, this has nothing to do with being socially acceptable. If it was, we'd be more public with it." Santana assured, still angry.

"Our relationship is personal. Agreed upon in the past, and will end once I return to Hollywood. It is none of your concern, nor is there any reason why either of our relationships will suffer because of it. We are discrete in our practices, more so than we were in high school. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about on this matter." Sebastian calmly reasoned.

"You guys, this isn't OK, you have to-"

"Excuse me, I need to leave, I have a big day tomorrow." Sebastian stood up and walked out the door before either Quinn or Santana had time to protest. Santana didn't waste time following his lead.

"I should turn in. I also have a big day tomorrow."

"Santana! Wait!" But before Quinn could get out any more Santana had locked herself in her room. Quinn huffed and got ready for bed.

That conversation had been pointless.

xxx

The next morning Quinn left on a morning plane. She had classes in the afternoon or she would have stayed to talk more to Santana.

Brittany had come home late that night, after Quinn had fallen asleep. Quinn had decided she didn't want to tell Britt about her girlfriend's less than honorable actions. Britt lived in her own happy world anyway, no need to disrupt her.

The only comfort Quinn got was that Sebastian would leave soon enough and Britt and San could move on with their relationship.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N I'm terribly sorry for the lengthy wait but I had approximately 10 days at home this summer and simply didn't have the time to write. But here you are, I hope that you enjoy it! And thanks much to my beautiful beta Cherry Blossom Petals Falling!  
><strong>

A week later Santana discovered a note. She was looking for her eyeliner- Brittany was coming to lunch and Santana wanted to impress - when she discovered the artfully folded piece of paper.

_My place. 11:00._

His handwriting really was beaut- no! What the hell was she thinking?! No, she couldn't think like that. She had Brittany, and her job, and her wonderful life, she couldn't let her thoughts stray towards that vile excuse of an actor!

"Santana, are you ready yet? We're going to be late, do you really want Britt to sit there by herself?" Morgan said as she barged in and began to eat the candy that Santana always kept on her desk.

"Yeah," she shook her head to clear it, "let's go."

xxx

_My place. 11:00._

_The words baffled her. Sure, she was used to the notes by now and the occasionally odd locations, but she had never been to his house. She had always assumed that it was off limits for the same reason her house was off limits: privacy._

_Nevertheless at 10:59 she stood outside the mansion Sebastian called home. She always knew he was wealthy but she had never thought he would be this loaded! He must have had money coming out of his ass. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, which opened immediately._

_"Come in," Sebastian said as he gestured her inside. She entered the house, taking in the grand architecture and decorative and useless furniture._

_"This way." Sebastian led her past the entry way and several doors, up a staircase, down another hallway, and into what she could only assume was his room._

_In stark contrast to the rest of the house, the room looked like every other teenager's room, just cleaner. She sneered at the neat pile of note cards laying on his desk. What a nerd. He sat down on the bed indicated that she do the same._

_"With graduation looming this is probably our last meeting," Sebastian commented._

_"Woop-de-doo," Santana said, rolling her eyes. This was far from news._

_"I suppose you are wondering why we have this change of scenery."_

_"Beds are more comfortable than car seats?" she asked sarcastically. _

_He chuckled, the asshole._

_"I was thinking more along the lines of toys." Santana snapped her head towards him as he moved to open a chest she hadn't seen before. Toys. She loved toys. Normally. She had a feeling that these toys would do more than pleasure her._

_"What kind of toys?" she asked suspiciously. He chuckled again, douche._

_"Just the run-of-the-mill sex toys, nothing to worry about. You intimidated?" he teased with the quirk of an eyebrow._

_"Oh please," she answered, rolling her eyes. _

_But she didn't believe him. With him everything warranted worry. _

_She looked inside the box._

xxx

Santana had to do a lot of searching to find Sebastian's place. He was unlisted so she had had to worm it out of Britt's company.

She could have stopped searching. She told herself she kept going because of Britt's safety but she knew that wasn't true. If this was going to be anything like the first time she wanted to be there. She just couldn't resist. She loved toys.

She slipped out of the elevator and checked the note she had made to herself. Apartment 617. She walked down the hall, finding his apartment at the very end. One knocked.

"Santana," Sebastian acknowledged quietly as he opened the door.

"Sebastian," she imitated mockingly, as she walked into his apartment.

"Make yourself at home," he said, gesturing around. Santana took in the scenery. Modern, elegant, simple. Everything one would expect for an up and coming actor. "Wine?"

"Beer."

"If you may remember I don't drink beer, and this is my apartment, so there's no beer." He dangled a glass of wine in her face.

"Anything to make your face look better," she retorted, accepting the glass.

"No amount of alcohol can make my face look better, it's already perfect," he said. Santana took a sip and squinted at him.

"I beg to differ," she replied. He rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, as you may have garnered from my note, this will be our last tryst. I'm due to leave in a week."

"You said that last time but you're going to come crawling back the next time we're in the same city."

"Don't pretend to know me well enough to predict my actions." He spoke with slight impatience.

"I think we both know that's not true." They stared at each other intently.

"Well, I think it is time we ended the small talk and got down to business," he said with a flourish and a clap of his hands.

"I heartily agree." Santana finished her wine and stood up, unsure of where the bedroom was. "Point the way."

"Right here will do just fine," Sebastian said, slapping his knee.

"Oh no, no, I put the effort into finding where you live, we're going to do this in a nice, soft, bed."

"My sheets are 1000 thread count and white. There is no way you're ruining them like you ruin my car."

"_I_ ruin?" she asked incredulously, "you're the one leaving me notes."

"And _you're_ the one who shows up."

"You _blackmailed_ me," she emphasized with vehemence.

"You like it."

"I do _not_!" Santana exclaimed, outraged. What the hell gave him the right to say that?

"Santana, if you know me well enough to predict my future actions, then I sure as hell know you well enough to tell when you like something."

"You have no proof."

"For example," he said, interrupting her, "you stop paying attention two minutes in." Santana froze.

"That's bullshit."

"Oh baby, I can tell when you go to your happy place." She paused.

"Don't call me baby," she said stiffly. He stood up, advancing on her.

"I can call you whatever I want, baby." She started to back up, only to hit her knees against the couch.

"Stop it," she said nervously as he forced her to sit down.

"But isn't this what you came here for?" He caressed her cheek, "Something new?" She shivered.

She just wanted the toys, right?

No, she was doing this because Sebastian threatened Britt. That was it. Not the sex. Nope. Not the sex.

Even though the toys were fantastic.

She couldn't even think that way with Sebastian's hands moving around like that. He settled down on top her her, his heat radiating through her. He gently brushed a strand of hair out of her face. A strange, kind gesture.

"So what's this something new you had in mind?" she asked, slightly breathless, when she trusted herself to talk. His lips brushed her neck.

"You staying awake for the whole show," he replied. Santana winced as his teeth closed on her neck, expecting pain, but all she felt was a slight tingle of pleasure. Had Sebastian lost his mind? This wasn't how things were supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to be caring. She needed a reason to hate him, goddammit.

But no, this was sweet, slow, maybe even kind. Everything Sebastian was not and never supposed to be. Santana even found herself twisting her fingers through his perfect hair as his equally perfect hands found their way to the zipper on her dress.

What was she doing? This wasn't right. This wasn't how things went. This was - naked. She was naked. On Sebastian's couch.

Now that just wasn't fair. She fumbled with buttons on his sickeningly well-fitted shirt, ripping it off to reveal his bare skin.

Then - his pants having mysteriously disappeared - they were flush up against each other. Santana's skin was on fire. Every molecule in her body screamed for more. More touch, more movement, more anything.

Her body wasn't disappointed.

xxx

Santana was woken by a stream of sunlight shining directly on her face. Blinking angrily, she took her a moment to realize where she was. Mostly because she didn't recognize where she was.

For one, she was in a bed. In a room decorated much like the room she had fallen asleep in the night before. But not the same room. The five billion thread count sheets around her would indicate that this was Sebastian's room. She sat up quickly, unnerved.

At some point after she had fallen asleep (an oddity in itself) her fuck buddy had picked her up, clothed her, and moved her here.

This was absolutely not okay. This, Sebastian being nice- what the hell? This, this was couple-like behavior. As was what they had done last night. No, this was completely, fucking, _not okay. _

Well, that was somewhat of a lie, she was quite _okay with_ last night, more than okay.

But not the whole being clothed and then moved while she was sleeping. Who knew what other sick things he had done? She gave herself a quick once over. No new cuts or bruises or anything of the kind.

Panicking more because of that fact more than anything else, she shot out of the bed and into the living room, frantically searching for her purse. After she found it, she quickly slipped on her shoes and headed out the door, not even noticing the figure sitting in the corner.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N As always, I'm terribly sorry for the delay. We're almost done here. Hope you like it!**

Santana strolled through backstage to pick up Britt after their last show. It was one of their traditions to go out after the last show and eat buckets of ice cream. She turned a corner and saw, to her horror, Brittany talking to Sebastian.

Sebastian stroked Brittany's arm and Santana's blood boiled. He had promised not to touch her. This entire situation was born from his threat to harm her. Britt had always been off limits. Always. He promised.

But Sebastian wasn't one to keep his word. She should have known that. The inconsiderate asshole couldn't even keep a date that he had planned. Santana continued to watch the exchange, her stomach protesting more and more by the minute. Her hands clamped on the mental railing as the fucker suavely handed Britt a neatly folded note. She felt faint, she was sure she knew what was written in that note. How was she supposed to stop Britt from falling into Sebastian's trap?

"Hey San, did you find Britt- oh, what are we watching?"' Morgan asked, interrupting Santana's thoughts. "is that Britt? With Seb?"

"Yes," Santana responded through gritted teeth, still trying desperately to contain her anger.

"Ohh, s-o-m-e-b-o-d-y-s jealoussss!"

"I am not jealous, I'm worried. She doesn't know how dangerous he can be."

"And you would?" Santana was silent.

xxx

After their ice cream party, Britt always fell asleep pretty quickly, giving Santana time to think.

Yes, Sebastian was leaving soon, but that didn't mean that they would never see each other again. He had a habit of turning up at the worst moment possible. She had to do something to keep him from coming near them again. She couldn't handle another one of their relationships.

Right as she was about to fall asleep herself, Santana made up her mind. She needed to go and have a conversation with Sebastian before he left.

xxx

Santana hid in the shadows of Sebastian's apartment, waiting for him to come back.

The door creaked open. Scratching his head, he began to organize his moving boxes.

"You promised not to touch her," Santana growled, stepping out of the darkness. Sebastian turned around, still holding one of his moving boxes.

"How did you get in here?" he asked.

"I have a long history of breaking into boy's houses." She stepped forward. "I repeat, you said you wouldn't touch Britt, fucker."

"What, and you're here to exact revenge?" He looked at her pityingly. "I didn't touch Brittany, you little bitch. I never had any intention to."

"You're a liar, I saw you two together. You gave her a piece of paper/" She crossed her arms, glaring at him. He rolled his eyes.

"That was my manager's card. Britt has potential - I was just being nice."

"You don't know the definition of the word, asshole."

"Nice: Noun. Not telling Britt that you have a nasty habit of cheating on her because you're not sexually satisfied." Sebastian set the box down lightly on a plastic covered chair as Santana gaped like a fish.

"How - how - how DARE you! You don't know anything about Britt and I!" That bastard was not going to come any further between her and Britt.

"How dare I? You're the one who broke into my fucking apartment, if anyone's going to be accusing, it's going to be me. Furthermore, I know a lot more about you and Britt than you think."

"You fucking liar, don't pretend-"

"No pretending here!" Sebastian shouted over her, "Britt's confided in me, you two haven't been nearly as close recently."

"Don't say that, you don't know what you're talking about," Santana said quietly. Sebastian began to advance on her.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about I know because I know you better than anyone."

"No! You're a manipulative, blackmailing dick with a superiority complex!" Santana's back hit the wall, she hadn't even noticed she was retreating.

"So are you!" he shouted, not inches apart from her. There was a moment of silence.

"Get away from me." Immediately, Sebastian stepped back, composing himself.

"I need some beer," Santana announced as she marched toward the kitchen.

"I don't have any beer," Sebastian said, exasperated. He joined Santana who was standing in the middle of the bare kitchen, staring at the vacant fridge.

"You don't have any beer."

"I'm moving out," he gestured to the tightly taped boxes which were stacked everywhere, "anyway, I wouldn't have had beer because, as you know, I don't drink beer."

"Ha!" She poked him in the chest," So you admit that we're not the same!"

"Stop denying it and accept that we are the same fucking person!"

"How can I accept that ! You're vile! You blackmailed me into having sex with you!"

"You're a lawyer! All you do is blackmail people!" he countered.

"Sebastian, look, I don't know why you're pursuing this so doggedly. We're not the same, and we don't get along. I get along with Brittany, she's my girlfriend, and I love her. I don't love you, I never have. It was just for the sex. I don't know why you don't understand that," she said, almost pleadingly.

Something in Sebastian seemed to snap with these words. When he looked up there was a darkness in his eyes - one that was more encompassing than it was during their 'dates'. Santana's heart stopped with fear - there was only one thing that darkness in his eyes meant.

She looked around automatically for any escape route. There wasn't one, but there was a package-cutter on the counter. She grabbed it, holding it shakily as Sebastian advanced upon her, grabbing her roughly by the hips and forcing his mouth on hers. His lips were hard and forceful, his hands dug into her hips hard, instantly bruising her. Her spine bent against the counter, threatening to shatter under the pressure.

This was bad. Sebastian didn't show any signs of letting up or stopping. Like he said, Santana knew Sebastian like she knew herself, but she didn't know just how far he would go. He always showed some restraint or limitations despite the injuries he inflicted on her, but those had been thrown out now.

She whined in protest, fruitlessly trying to push him away and trying pull her head away. He was relentless. She clutched the cutter tighter in her hand, hesitating to use it. She didn't really want to hurt Sebastian - not physically anyway. She just wanted to get out of this alive. Bringing her arms up to her chest and shoving his chest, hard. His only response was to encircle her wrists with his fingers, preventing her from struggling. Her breaths came out in pants as her adrenaline kicked in. She leaned away from him as far as she could manage to avoid his assault on her body. It only enraged him even more. A growl escaped his throat as he threw her to the floor.

The bruises on her hips screamed as she hit the floor. In horror, Santana saw Sebastian kneel over her. Not allowing her mind to imagine was he was about to do, she did the only thing that she could do.

Closing her eyes, she lunged at Sebastian with the cutter. She felt the hot blood coat her hand as the cutter pierced Sebastian's flesh. Shaking, she let go of the handle and watched with blank shock as Sebastian groaned and fell to the ground. She numbly scrambled up and looked at him one last time before fleeing the apartment.

You didn't kill him, you didn't kill him, she repeated the mantra numbly to herself as she stepped into the elevator and hid her stained hand in her coat. You just got his side, that's not enough to kill him.

As the elevator jerked into motion, the adrenaline faded with her shock and numbness. And then the panic and emotion caught up with her, taking over her. She couldn't control the tears that slid down her face, her sobs shook her entire body. Her back slid down the elevator wall as she continued crying. She hugged her body tightly as if to protect herself, trying her best to take deep breaths and calm herself down .

After a few moments of silence, Santana felt a growing sense of relief with her calm. She never had to see Sebastian Smythe again. He would never contact her again. He was going back to Hollywood anyway. She didn't have to worry about him appearing every second without warning. She didn't have to be graced with his insulting presence anymore. She didn't have to deal with his attempts to ruin her life and reputation. She didn't have to deal with the lying that came with the sex, and the scars, the violence she had to endure. He was out of her life for good.

Sebastian gasped as he fell to the floor, pain radiating through his body, pulsating with every heartbeat. He made his way towards his bathroom blindly, clutching the cutter to his side.

Standing unsteadily and looking at himself in the mirror he tried to remember what had happened. He had been talking to Santana, trying to profess his feelings for her, when suddenly the world went fuzzy. He was saying things he never would have dreamed to say. Then - he could barely think about what happened next.

He had gripped her with the intent to do unspeakable things. He had tried to stop himself from throwing her onto the ground. He had tried to stop himself from getting on top of her. He really had tried to stop himself. Then she stopped him. With a package-cutter. He winced as he subconsciously twisted the cutter with his hand.

Gripping the sink, he made a decision he never thought he would make.

A long time ago, his father had pulled him aside. It was the only memory he had of him.

"Son, you have to listen very closely to me." The young Sebastian nodded, confused. "In your life there will come a time when you realize the world doesn't need you." Sebastian became more confused. "When that time comes, you have to do what's best for the world. Do you understand?" Sebastian shook his head. His father looked at him grimly, "One day you will. Just as I have."

That was the day his father had killed himself. After that day, Sebastian understood those words, knowing that his father had advised Sebastian to kill himself if he became too violent. But he never would have thought it would come to this.

But Sebastian knew his father was right. He had gone too far, and he couldn't control himself anymore.

Tears cascaded freely down his face - partially from the pain - as he tugged the cutter out of his side. His heart pounded valiantly, pushing blood through his body as though trying to make use of the time it had left.

He raised the cutter.


	9. Epilogue

It had been two months since Sebastian's suicide and no one had come to call on Santana. At first she had panicked, assuming she had killed him, but the newspaper said he was found in the bathroom with more wounds than what she had inflicted on him. Privately, Santana had spent hours weeping in relief and grief. For several days she didn't leave her apartment except to use the bathroom. But after a week of moping, she decided there was nothing to do but move on. She couldn't change the past.

Britt, of course, had been distraught when she heard the news. Her entire company had put on a touching tribute for him. She attended and wept, but, like Santana, she did her best to move on.

But after four months, it was far from their minds. They had plenty of other things to think about. Britt had a new musical and Santana had plenty of different cases. There was no room for Sebastian anymore and that's how Santana liked it. Besides, she was planning something special for Britt.

It was late at night and Santana had just treated Britt to a long day at the Ballet in New York. Now, sitting in their hotel, Britt began to question Santana's actions.

"San, today was wonderful, but why did we come to New York?" A sudden fear filled her eyes, "Chicago wasn't going to be destroyed by aliens, was it?" Santana chuckled.

"No Britt- we came here because I wanted today to be magical so I could ask you a very serious question." Britt looked at her intently. "I was wondering if you wanted to be my wife."

Britt's squeal of pleasure was all she needed as an answer.

THE END

**A/N So I know that was super short, yes I'm aware, but it needed to end, and I know that there are a lot of loose ends, but:**

****IMPORTANT NEWS** I will be writing a companion story to this in Sebastian's POV that will clear a lot of the questions up. **

**Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did.**

**And thanks to my amazing beta EvelynCharlotte for being amazing and having such wonderful criticism! **


	10. Update

**A/N I've (finally) published the first chapter of the companion! It's called When the World Doesn't Need You, you can find it on my profile. Have a wonderful day!**


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